5 sentence review of Ringer

Season 1, Episode 12: “What Are You Doing Here, Ho-Bag?”

5. Andrea Roth showed up in last week’s “Ringer,” clad in scoop-necked leopard prints and looking like Tawny Kitaen’s mug shot.

4. Roth’s job was to scream and yell a lot, which would have been annoying if this weren’t “Ringer,” a show which believes talking on cell phones and sitting in cafes constitutes dramatic action.

3. Wikipedia lists “Ringer” as a “neo-noir,” a laughable classification given that neo-noir requires a mood made of grit and romance, but “Ringer” throws soap opera plot points at the viewer like sparkly confetti and hopes the glimmer distracts from the tedium, low-rent production and poor writing.

2. Perhaps the biggest disappointment of ringer is a promise made by General Tso’s Hall of Famer Sarah Michelle Gellar, who told Entertainment Weekly “‘Ringer’ is the perfect balance of what audiences want to see me do. It’s ‘Cruel Intentions’-meets-’Buffy.’”

1. Shame on SMG, because she’s only thrown one punch in 12 episodes (and zero roundhouse kicks) and she hasn’t made out with another woman the whole series.

Andrea Roth looked like Tawny Kitaen's mug shot on last week's "Ringer."

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