Morning Mixtape: ‘I’ll Remember’ By Madonna

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Time travel is possible, in a way. Sometimes when I catch a whiff of Aqua Velva after shave, my mind floods with memories of Dad 1.0, who used the product. For an instant, I can almost feel the prickly edges of his mustache as he gives me a kiss goodnight when I was a boy. He’s been gone 26 years, but one whiff and I’m adrift in the time vortex.

This happens with chance encounters with old friends and loved ones, too. I often snarl at the social media age, but I celebrate the connections it helped me revive with my friends from Winterset, classmates I had to leave for reasons too complicated to detail here.

Last week I had the chance to interact with a couple of those classmates. This was all done in 2014, of course, but there was a strong flavor of childhood there. One classmate, who I estimate was my first crush, wanted my helping looking up some federal court records. I was happy to oblige. She’s married with children, a breast cancer survivor and as beautiful as ever. What I remember about her was that when I we were in middle school, she would always let me dance with her during mixers. That was really sweet, and for an overweight and awkward boy, it was terrific thing. I will remember that the rest of my life.

I commented on another classmate’s photo of her garden, which to me looked more like a farm. We chatted briefly by message. We were in the same church confirmation class. She was sweet and kind. I remember her as an excellent singer. She’s married with children, too, but I always value an exchange with her. Life is fleeting and our time on this earth is eventually forgotten. When I left Winterset, I was afraid all my friends forgot me. But they didn’t. And some have said very kind and tender things about how they remembered me.

So for those two fine people, and to all those whose lives have touched mine, and whose lives I have touched, I offer this 1994 song, “I’ll Remember,” by Madonna. It was the theme for the underrated film “With Honors.” Thank you all for being my friends, and enjoy this song.

Morning Mixtape: ‘Crime Scene, Part 1′ By Afghan Whigs

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Today’s Morning Mixtape is dedicated to my friend Nicole. She is a fellow traveler on the road of mental health struggles. Living with mental illness isn’t easy. The dialogue has changed a lot in my lifetime. Yet, still, if someone admits to mental illness — in my case dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder — people still look at you like your about to defecate on the salad bar or take hostages at the Jamba Juice. The brain is an organ. Like many organs in the body, it sometimes malfunctions. People with high blood pressure take medicine. People who are depressed take medicine. Sometimes the medication works. Sometimes it needs to be adjusted. People say dumb things to people with mental illness, like, “just cheer up.” You wouldn’t say to someone with diabetes, “Hey, think good thoughts about your blood sugar.” But enough of that. I asked Nicole to pick a song for today’s entry because we fellow travelers have to respect one another. So here’s “Crime Scene, Part 1″ by the Afghan Whigs. Enjoy.

Morning Mixtape: ‘Real American’ By Rick Derringer

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The Fourth of July is Mom 2.0′s favorite holiday. She was born July 1. She isn’t one to celebrate herself, but she goes all out for the nation’s birthday. For nearly 40 years, she’s hosted a picnic for family and friends at her east Des Moines estate.

It’s a classic Americana set up: picnic tables in the garage and a buffet of turkey, pork, potato salad, coleslaw, pork and beans and a variety of desserts, including homemade ice cream. It’s her big deal of the year. In the 23 years I’ve been apart of Parents 2.0′s family, I missed this party just once — summer 1999 when I worked at USA Today.

I am not a particularly patriotic person. I think blind loyalty is dangerous. I’m the type of person who thinks that a raucous crowd rooting for the home team is just pitchforks and torches away from being a lynch mob. That’s how I am. Some would say it’s a gloomy, isolationist view of things. But that’s me. I like to be the lone dissenter.

One of the things I try to do on the Fourth of July is remember that the day isn’t really about what I think. It’s not even about flags, fireworks and red, white and blue bunting. It’s about Mom 2.0. It’s her day.

She works so hard to prepare this picnic. And the whole day is dedicated to her doting on her loved ones. She hardly sits to visit. She’s always making sure someone got something they needed. I think it is probably her favorite thing to do in the entire year.

Attendance has dwindled in recent years. Families splinter as they age. Children grow up, marry and have more children. People drift in different directions, geographically and emotionally. There are feuds over silly things that last longer than they should because of pure stubbornness.

Still, a core group of us show up each year and enjoy fellowship of whatever ties brought us together. I’ve brought friends to the event over the years. All of them have been impressed, not just by the delicious food, but that there are still moments like Mom 2.0′s party.

This country moves at a frantic pace. Tweet this, check this, rush here, hurry there. But at Mom 2.0′s party, the world slows down for a couple hours one day a year. It’s just people talking and eating on a summer’s day in the middle of America. It really is a beautiful thing to observe.

I may be a cynic, but I am moved by this event. It reminds me that it is very easy to find reasons not to like things, whether they be holidays or songs. But every song is somebody’s favorite song and every holiday is somebody’s favorite holiday. If you can see this thing you don’t particularly love through their eyes, it softens you a little, opens up the world.

For example, I went to college with a great photographer named Mindy Myers. She loved the Grateful Dead, which is one of my least-favorite bands.

I put a quote from a Dead song in the campus newspaper after Jerry Garcia died. She clipped it out and put it on her bulletin board in the office. She was going through a tough time and she said it was just what she needed. I still don’t care for the band, but when I hear them, I am remind of Mindy and that makes me smile.

Likewise, I am not going to drape myself in the American flag and shout “U.S.A.!” during World Cup matches. But I will always love the Fourth of July because of Mom 2.0.

So with that in mind, here is one of my favorite patriotic songs: “Real American” by Rick Derringer. Enjoy this song and enjoy the holiday.

Moments: 39 lessons from 39 years of life


Thursday was my 39th birthday. I wrote a weather story for the paragraph factory. I took a long nap after work. I had a quiet dinner alone after work. The waitress brought me a slice of cake. I thought it was a gift, but she charged me $6 for it. It’s true what they say: You can have your cake and eat it, too, but there’s no such thing as free cake. Here are 39 other lessons I learned in my 39 years:

1. The delete key is my best friend. Many of the worst problems I’ve had in my life can be traced to a failure to judiciously use the delete key.

2. Mrs. Liechty was right: My laziness in learning grammar, spelling and syntax did haunt me for the rest of my life. Conversely, Mr. Hickman, I have not used trigonometry for a 39th consecutive year.

3. Naps are terrific.

4. Keep your feelings close and your mouth shut. They can get you into trouble and, to be frank, most people don’t give a damn what you think.

5. It’s always a little bit about the money.

6. Peace and quiet are highly underrated and increasingly scarce.

7. American football is a brutal, violent game that takes a terrible toll on the boys and men who play it. Yet, I still love it. I am not sure how to reconcile this, but I keep watching and that makes me part of the problem.

8. Most of the world’s problems cannot be solved and the amount of time I spend angry, upset or frustrated by them diminishes with each passing year.

9. The waitress is only flirting with me for a bigger tip. She is in no way interested in me or my life.

10. Everybody is a little bit kinky.

11. The world would be a much better place if everyone would leave everyone else alone.

12. There is no such thing as closure. The things that hurt the most in your life will always hurt. You will just become more accustomed to that pain as a part of your life. “Closure” is a word used by people who are tired of hearing you talk about your sadness.

13. Never work for free.

14. People are given one button to push in this world. They will jealously guard that button with their lives, but often never push it. Yet, if they have the opportunity to push someone else’s button, they will hammer it until they pass out and mock the person who lost control of their button.

15. Love is never enough, but it helps.

16. I like to look at beautiful women. People argue this makes me a sexist creep or a sex-crazed pervert. They might be right, but I still like to look at beautiful women.

17. Nobody is all one thing all the time.

18. Cynicism is a perfectly reasonable response to society.

19. Always appreciate the classics: the Beatles, peanut butter and jelly, iced tea and “M*A*S*H” reruns.

20. The Internet has collected all the knowledge in human history in one place searchable by devices we have in our pockets, yet it has somehow made us dumber, more shrill and overrun with delusions of grandeur.

21. Don’t blog about your job.

22. Mental illness is not something you cure. You treat it. You cope with it. You make peace with it. Some days are better than others. But some days are very bad.

23. Reading is wonderful. It really doesn’t matter what you read or how you read — printed copies or digital devices. Just take time to unplug from the fear machine and its amplified stupidity. Enjoy a single story one-on-one.

24. I am a lot more sensitive than I would like to admit.

25. I am lot meaner than I intend to be.

26. I worry I am going to die broke and alone.

27. Most of the things I worry about everyone else worries about, too, but they seldom talk about it.

28. I don’t really want to talk about it, either.

29. Don’t blog about your job. That’s right. It’s on here twice. Don’t do it.

30. I like to remember things how I remembered them, not necessarily how they were.

31. Reconnecting with people from your past is a mixed bag. Sometimes you revive a dormant friendship and it is terrific. Many times you quickly discover there was a reason why you stopped talking to this person. Approach with caution.

32. I don’t always instantly know how I feel about everything and I am suspicious of people who do.

33. Television news is a massive fear machine designed to make you feel weak, sad, terrified and powerless.

34. You are free. The rest is detail.

35. Discussion of politics and religion is almost never worth the hassle and headache. Avoid it.

36. Sometimes, even with the best of intentions and tremendous effort, it just doesn’t work out.

37. Sometimes it does work out, so go hard on every trip to first base.

38. To quote Kurt Vonnegut: “Goddamnit, you’ve got to be kind.”

39. Forgiveness and redemption are real and they can be had. This isn’t just a religious concept. Everyone screws up. Everyone falls down. What matters is what you do when you get back up again.

Morning Mixtape: ‘Shelter Song’ By Temples

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I still listen to the radio in my car. This is largely an awful experience. Commercial radio wears out the same set of songs until I cringe at tunes I once loved. This happens whether it be an oldies station or a channel that plays newer music.

The AM dial is crowded with hateful talk shows who convince us ever public servant is little more than a smash-and-grab robber. Worse, there is sports talk radio, which collectively makes us stupider, with the exception of Tony Kornheiser, who used to be a newspaper man and, as such, probably read something that wasn’t a box score in his lifetime.

Some people tell me to listen to National Public Radio, but I tend to hear it as just a less shouty, more snobby Rush Limbaugh for a different group of political extremists.

But in the foul offal clogging up the dial is KFMG, a community radio station. It’s on-air personalities are all volunteers. Listeners pay for the content through donation. And on that radio station, you’ll hear things that you don’t hear elsewhere. I often hear Aimee Mann on KFMG. She’s one of my favorite artists. And I’m often exposed to new artists there, too.

That’s what happened with this song. Earlier this week, I was at Angelo’s, my favorite restaurant. I heard a song I liked. I tried to download Shazam, the smartphone application that can tell you what song is playing. I didn’t get it done in time for that song. Fortunately, I had the app on my phone when “Shelter Song” by Temples played on KFMG the other day.

(The DJ had dutifully introduced the song, but I didn’t pay close attention until I realized I really liked it.) This much I do remember about the DJ’s introduction: He said the tune sounded as if it came right out of 1967. He’s right about that. I enjoyed this song. I hope you do, too.

Moments: On moving and the boxes never opened


This pending move is really getting me down.

As moves go, it’s a small thing. I’m changing apartments. The place across the hall has termite damage. They need to fix the walls in my place. I can’t stay while they do the work.

The door-to-door distance is probably less than 100 yards.

I hate moving. Most people do. It’s awful. Pack up all your stuff. Move it. Unpack it. Try not to die of exhaustion and frustration. Hopefully nothing you really care about will be broken.

My hatred for moving is long-standing and probably a little deeper than is psychologically healthy.

When I was a boy, my family lived in a nice ranch house on Lynner Drive on the northwest side of Des Moines.

My parents grew up in Winterset and I guess he always wanted to return there one day. He found a big, redbrick ranch home just west of town.

The house had a lot of problems. Buying it and fixing it up broke my parents financially and probably contributed to my dad’s failing health in his final years.

My brothers and sister all helped with the move. It was grueling, tiring work because my parents had accumulated a lot of stuff in their lives.

They survived the Great Depression. A lot of people who lived through those hard times had trouble throwing things away. “You never know when you might need it,” was the mentality.

Today, I suppose, we would call it hoarding.

My dad was a salesman. He had lots of samples, everything from paper plates to enough tools to fill a hardware store.

We lived in the house west of Winterset for about six years. It seemed like we never quite settled. Every room in the house had unopened boxes of stuff.

I resented the boxes in my room. They weren’t my things. Why did they have to be there? But they were.

The basement was worse. The center of the finished downstairs had boxes stacked to the ceiling. It would have made a great space for a dance floor. Instead, it was a warehouse.

The same was true in my dad’s office, which had boxes piled in a great pyramid in one corner. Once, I climbed the stacks of boxes just to see what there was to see. I found a box of old long-playing records, Glenn Miller, the Four Seasons and the like.

I pulled out a couple records and went to our record player. It was a jukebox-style job from the 1970s, with an 8-track player and lights that flashed with the music.

The jukebox was buried under boxes, of course. I managed to get it plugged in and played some of the sides. It was too big a hassle to get the record player going, so I gave up.

My dad got sick and died. My mom and I moved into town. My brothers and sister sold off a lot of the stuff in the boxes that were never opened, but not all of it.

Our garage was filled to the ceiling with boxes. And boxes were in the downstairs den, the furnace room, at the bottom of the basement stairs and in my mom’s room and the laundry room.

Again, it never felt like we settled in. Everything was in transition.

My mom fell downstairs and died. I moved again. I lived with a family in Winterset for seven months. That didn’t work out. I moved again.

I finally settled in east Des Moines with Parents 2.0. There I unpacked in a big way. I stayed up all night getting my room just the way I wanted without any boxes. I must have liked it. I stayed for 10 years.

I only lasted two years apiece in Omaha and St. Louis, but I always moved all the way in. I’ve had three address is in Des Moines. I’ve filled out every corner with my stuff, but never any boxes, except the odd one or two in the closet.

Now, I’m moving again and I’m coping poorly with the prospect. I decorate my home just the way I like it. Every wall has some pop culture memento. Everywhere I look, I’m looking at something I like.

My home is a great comfort to me. It’s my safe space. It’s a quiet spot in a noisy world, certain in a sea of uncertainty.

This move isn’t that big of a deal. Intellectually, I know that. But emotionally, I look around the place and think, aw, geez, I’m going to have to pack all this up soon.

It feels like a really great Etch-a-Sketch drawing that’s been swiped by an ornery sibling.

You’re watching in horror as they’re about to shake it and wipe out your beautiful artwork.

And the only thing you can do is start over.

- 30 -

Moments: On panic attacks


I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. It’s called general anxiety disorder. I suffer from panic attacks.

When it acts up, I feel fear. Sometimes the fear is response to stimulus: a mistake made at work, a social faux pas or an overindulgence.

Sometimes there is no reason for the panic. It just settles in like a thunderstorm inside my skull. My doctor gives me little yellow pills. They usually work within about 15 or 30 minutes.

Once in a while, though, the panic gets past the pills. That happened Monday night. The panic set in about 9:30 p.m. and just sat on my chest until around 3:30 a.m.

I tried to nap. The panic usually subsides when I sleep. It didn’t work. I dozed, but I could feel the tightness in my chest, the restlessness and uneasiness. It was still there when I woke up.

The worst panic attacks feel as if my skin is itching on the inside out. This was not one of those. This was a lesser variety, but still exhausting.

I struggled to concentrate on the TV show I had recorded. I tried to mindlessly watch sports highlights. But everything seemed irritating and unsettled.

I dimmed the lights and turned on the fans. I tried to imagine myself pitching a baseball. I thought about dragging my cleat along the rubber atop the mound. I thought about the feel of the baseball on my fingertips. I could almost smell the dirt on my hands.

I imagined the fan blowing the hair on my arms was actually a gentle breeze on a calm, cool day at the park. I could hear the gentle rustling of the crowd chatting.

I never got around to throwing the ball. I never do. It’s just a technique I use to try and calm myself down. It was only partially successful.

The worst part of panic attacks are the thoughts. Every thought is carried out to its most gruesome conclusion.

For example: I ate pasta for dinner. That’s bad for my blood sugar. I’m going to have to have my feet amputated. I will die broke and alone in a wheelchair at a county hospital.

Sometimes I think about killing myself. I think about jumping off a parking garage. This is all in my head, mind you. No actions are taken.

Usually I am able to brush those thoughts off without much trouble. I want to feel relief, I remind myself. A dead man cannot feel relief.

If the thoughts get too noisy, I call my therapist. He’s an excellent therapist. He is a former U.S. Army Ranger. He is direct, thoughtful and quick. A few minutes with him on the phone is enough to get me back into acceptable condition.

It didn’t go that far Monday night. Like I said, it was a milder version of a panic attack.

Once I had a panic attack where I got a song stuck in my head. It was summer 1999. I kept hearing the song over and over again, each replay getting louder and more shrill. I thought I was going to have to stick an ice pick in my brain just to end the torment.

That was a bad night. I didn’t know what panic attacks were then. I wouldn’t be diagnosed for another two years.

I write about this not to terrify my friends and family who might read it. Sometimes that happens. They get sad because I am not always happy. But most people are not always happy. They might pretend to be, but they’re not.

To them, I say that I am OK. I manage this problem. I’m not going to die from it. Nothing bad is going to happen. I take pretty good care of myself in this regard. Part of the reason I do is because you being a part of my life makes me stronger.

It’s no different the high blood pressure or high cholesterol. Mental health problems are just like other medical problems. They can all be fatal if not treated, but most days, for most people, they don’t amount to much more than taking your medication on time.

I don’t write about my mental health problems as a plea for sympathy, either. I am who I am. These problems are a part of me, but they are not all of me. Yes, I struggle. But most people do with some kind of problem or another.

But I write about this because most of the dialog about mental health is about very extreme cases: people who are severely disabled and unable to function or people who have committed crimes.

That’s understandable. The dire end of the spectrum needs our help the most. But most of us live in the great, wide middle. I am able to work most of the time, but sometimes I have sleepless nights like this one. Sometimes I’m edgy and rude. But generally I live a full life with family, friends and adventures that interest me.

I write about this because I know there are other people like me out there, who have bad days in their brain. I write this as a message to my fellow mental health travelers: It’s OK. You are not alone.

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Moments: On clocks, change, moving and floating


I’ve started swimming again over the Memorial Day weekend. That’s when my apartment complex pool opened. I like to swim. It allows me to exercise without my girth damaging my knees.

I swim mostly in the evenings. I do it to avoid crowds. I am middle-aged, fat and not particularly proud of my body, especially with my shirt off. My apartment building is near a college campus and most of the residents are young.

Many of them are young, beautiful and in great shape. Some of them are law students. I try not to hold that against them. Anyway, I am a little embarrassed to swim around the beautiful people. So I swim in the evenings or at night.

I say “swim,” but mostly I run or walk in the water. The resistance is good for my legs. The water is cool enough I don’t go into fugue sweats the way I would on the track. I do some bicycle kicks under water and a little shadow boxing for my upper body.

After a good 30 minutes or so, I stop and float on my back. I let the water form a seal around both my ears. All I can hear is my own heartbeat and the gentle motion of the pool.

This is my favorite part of the swim. I stare up at the night sky and watch the clouds drift. I try to determine what phase the moon is in. Dad 2.0, the east Des Moines printer, used to tout one of the benefits of camping was learning what it felt like to be outside when the sun came up and when the sun came down.

He’s right. There is a particular sensation to the world when the sun rises and falls. It’s difficult to describe, but if you’re taking the time to observe it, the moment is usually very peaceful.

The world is a noisy place, I think, even here in Iowa, where we move several steps slower than our friends on the coasts or in the big cities. This is probably a function of getting older, but everything seems to be more complicated — maybe unnecessarily so — than it used to be.

I needed a clock for my living room. For years, I used the VCR. But the VCR is analog and my TV is digital. This means the picture looks bad. So I moved the VCR into my bedroom, where the analog TV — the big, old, square tube — is. But I missed the clock in the living room.

I thought this would be an easy fix. I wanted a nice digital display. I wanted it mostly because the presence of a clock would remind me to take my pills at night. (I really am getting old.) The first store I stopped at had a half dozen varieties of clocks. None of them were cheaper than $20 and all of them did things that I didn’t need or want.

One clock synced with U.S. Naval Observatory’s Master Clock. Both Dad 1.0 and Dad 2.0 were Navy men, the first in World War II and the second during the Vietnam War. I am a civilian and always have been. I didn’t see the need for my timepiece to be militarized.

Another clock projected the time onto the ceiling in bright blue. I would be sitting across the room from it. Projecting it on the ceiling wouldn’t be very useful to me. Another clock had a night light. Another had five different alarm settings.

Most of the clocks connected to smartphones. They could play music and set alarms and possibly send text messages. I don’t know. The were all things I with I didn’t need or want. I just wanted the clock, the part that told time.

I was so frustrated at the first store that I just left. I went to a second store, Radio Shack. I go to Radio Shack from time to time because this is a place I trust to simplify complicated tasks. I told the clerk I wanted a clock. He led me to the shelf with the clocks.

He started his sales pitch. They had the clocks with the smartphone hookups and other do-dads. I stopped him. Don’t you just have one that tells time and nothing else? I asked him. He pulled a clock from the bottom shelf.

This one has an alarm on it, he said, but you don’t have to turn it on.

That will be fine, I said.

But this other clock has a USB charger and it’s on sale, he tried.

No, I’ll take the more expensive clock that does less. It’s come to that in this world. I have to pay more to get something to do less. It’s like paying an extra dollar to the hamburger joint so they’ll leave off the onions.

I am fairly pleased with my new clock. But then I got some bad news. My property manager called and said the walls of my apartment have termite damage. I would have to move to another unit in my building.

I was crushed. I hate to move. I have a lot of books and toys and posters. My home is a clutter pop cultured museum. It’s a large womb where everywhere I turn, I cast my eyes on something pleasant and calming to me. It’s the way I like it. Now I was going to have to move.

Years ago, I was in a training session with a sleazy human resources guy. The session was called “Change Management.” He said we all fall on a curve. Some people are “change agents,” people who cause change. Some people are “change neutral,” which were most people. And some people were “change averse.”

This was bad according to the sleazy HR guy. He believed change was good. I disagreed. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes its bad. My aunt recently went from thinking she was healthy to learning she has cancer. That was change. You would be hard pressed to find anyone in the family who would describe it as “good.”

I take disruptions to my living space very personally. I moved more than I would have cared to as a boy. I like to set my roots deep. I have been known to work to the point of exhaustion to make my new space as livable as my old space.

And I am middle-aged now. So I have more stuff than I need crammed into every corner of every closet. This was going to be a terrible hassle. My mind reeled with the annoyances ahead.

So I went to the pool. I put out of my mind thoughts of changes, complicated clocks and the pending move. The only moving I did was to float. I stared at the night sky and let the silence take over.

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Moments: On smokers


I respect the smoker of the 21st century. They are some of the most persecuted people in our culture. But they stick with their habit, as bad as it is and no matter how hard society tries to condemn them or push them out.

They’ve been banned from buildings, restaurants, airplanes and busses. Busses! I once rode a bus with a homeless man who smelled of strongly of urine and cheap whiskey. I would have welcomed a smoker to take the edge off the odor.

Still, they huddle together in the cold, the snow, the rain and the punishing summer heat. They flick their butts onto the ground in defiance of the litter laws the society which tries so hard to ostracize them.

I have a friend who grouses about the smokers who are allowed to puff outside. He is angry that he must smell smokers when he walks city streets. I try not to remind him that he has been known to bum cigarettes when he’s on a good, long drunk. But he doesn’t do the benders anymore. He’s got diabetes.

I am not a smoker. I tried it. I always felt silly with a cigarette in my hand. It was like trying to use chopsticks with catcher’s mitts.

I smoke cigars for a period during college and in the late 1990s. My asthma caught up to me. I think about a cigar and a nice beer from time to time, but taste would stay with me for three days. I might consider it if they tasted like buffalo wings or french fries. But they taste like burning leaves. I’ll pass.

And I know some people who really suffer because of smokers. Mom 2.0 has an allergy to smoke. Even campfires cause her sinuses to swell and bleed. Parents 2.0 have a crowd of neighbors who smoke. It’s forced them to curtail outdoor activities. That’s a shame.

The Iowa Legislature banned smoking in most public places back in 2008. This was probably a good thing. Bar owners cried it would be the end. But most bars are still open. And the smokers huddle outside the back door, in the alley, like criminals scoring a fix.

The smokers cry persecution. They are right. There is an ugly tendency in America to pretend minor inconveniences are serious assaults.

Going to a bar and coming home with clothes that smell of smoke is an inconvenience. Lung cancer is a serious assault. The smoker risks the latter. I endured the former.

Now I don’t even have to put up with that. The bars are clear of smoke. I can drink in peace. Because drinking alcohol is a good drug that society accepts.

If I say, “Hey, Bill, let’s go grab a beer after work,” Bill thinks I am being friendly. But if I say, “Hey, Bill, let’s shoot heroin after work,” Bill is probably calling the police, or at least human resources for an intervention.

Both cigarettes and booze are legal. But we’ve decided one is much more terrible than another. There is a lot of talk about second-hand smoke. It kills as many as 42,000 people a year, some studies say.

That seems like a lot, but I’m not a scientist. And being an introvert, I have the natural tendency to avoid people whether they smoke or not.

I doubt second-hand smoke is deadly as a drunk driver. But then again, most people who drink and then drive have driven drunk — at least under the legal definition. That’s a fact we don’t like to think about, but it’s true.

I went for a swim in my apartment complex’s pool this evening. It was getting dark, but little orange flares could be seen in the balconies of the buildings that faced the pool. It is too early for fireflies.

It was smokers. The evening air was cool. The balconies of these apartments have about 3 feet of foot room. There really isn’t even room for a chair. But here are these poor, persecuted smokers puffing away on their balconies.

I don’t really feel sorry for them. What they do is a choice. They are addicted to a drug. It’s a serious addiction. But in the 21st century, anyone who starts smoking knows the risks of both disease and addiction.

But I do admire the dedication. If I were as dedicated to exercise as the smoker was to smoking, I could be Jim Fixx. Of course, he’s dead. He died of a heart attack while running.

I guess everything kills you in the end.

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Moments: On Dennis


Dennis had another good one when I ran into him over Memorial Day weekend.

“People say after the holiday the week will go fast. Well, when he comes, it’ll be a fast that will last.”

The “he” Dennis refers to, of course, is Jesus Christ.

Many of you in Des Moines might have seen Dennis around the city. He walks all over with a cardboard box under his right arm. He digs in trash bins for aluminum cans, which he returns for the 5-cent deposit. That’s how he makes most of his money. He also works part-time at Christian Printers over at 21st Street and Forest Avenue.

He’s a hunched over man of more than 60 years with bronzed skin, foggy glasses with yellowed lenses. He usually wears a baseball cap, golf shirt and slacks with comfortable walking shoes.

In the summer, his shirts are sweat through most of the time. In the winter, he is bundled up. The only days he doesn’t go out are when it rains. The rain, Dennis says, wrecks his boxes.

Dennis lives in my apartment building in the Drake University neighborhood. He’s friendly, but keeps to himself. Some people even leave whole bags of cans for Dennis by the trash so that he doesn’t have to dig through the garbage.

Dennis doesn’t like to talk about how many cans he collects or how much money he makes in a day. He’s been robbed twice. He doesn’t want to become a target. What little money he makes pays for his apartment, a small TV, a radio, some food — usually a hamburger and a can of Mountain Dew.

I’ve given Dennis a ride home a couple of times, especially on hot days. He’s a quiet, soft-spoken man. The only time he really gets excited is when he talks about the Lord.

Dennis has a collection of more than 200 of his little sayings about when Jesus will return and call home all his followers.

Dennis believes the time is coming soon.

“I told someone this year for sure and I cried tears of joy,” he said. “That’s how bad I want to get out of here.”

Dennis came to Des Moines in the early 1980s. The first time he was robbed, Dennis recalled, the robber said, “Your money or your life.” Dennis gave him his money.

“I almost went to hell then,” Dennis said. “I wasn’t saved yet.”

Dennis was saved in 1984. He attends church every Sunday. A friend gives him a ride. He listened to Billy Graham’s radio show until the great evangelist gave up the broadcasts due to failing health a few years ago.

Dennis hopes Graham lives lone enough to see Jesus come back.

Dennis was cheerful as he sat on the picnic table in the courtyard of our complex. He said it would be 29 years in June since he last told a lie. He remembered the lie. Somebody asked him how much money he had. Dennis thought he was going to be robbed again. So he said he had less money than he had.

Since then, Dennis said, he’s never told a lie.

Dennis has a lot of ideas about the world and he shares them. Dennis hates garbage. This makes since for a guy whose primary occupation is digging through trash to make a couple of nickels.

But when Dennis talks about garbage, he means something else. Five things make up garbage to Dennis’ way of thinking: lying, swearing, pride, anger and greed.

It’s hard to argue with that.

Dennis doesn’t like himself when he gets angry. But he hasn’t lost his temper in years.

Dennis especially dislikes anger. He says he hasn’t lost his temper since he got saved.

While working at the print shop the other day, Dennis told one of his coworkers, a younger fella, that he hadn’t told a lie in nearly 29 years. Dennis said the young man stopped his work and shook his hand.

“That was the only time anybody ever did something like that,” Dennis said.

I got out of the pool and chatted with Dennis until I dried off. I walked over to the table he was sitting at. I asked him how long it had been since he told a lie, though I know the answer.

He told me again.

So I shook his hand, too.

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Morning Mixtape: Happy birthday to Bob Dylan

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Bob Dylan, the greatest songwriter in American history, is 73 years old today.

My friend Syd Spink introduced me to Dylan back in the late 1990s. It was shortly after his creative renaissance that began with his 1997 album “Time Out of Mind.”

I knew of Dylan, of course, but mostly through jokes radio DJs made about the fact you can’t understand him anymore. I grew up in the 1980s and for most of that decade, it seemed as if his best work was behind him. I was awash in the new wave pop music of the time. By the time I reached high school and college, I drifted to noisy, angry metal and hard rock.

Syd and I met at a writers’ workshop in 1998. We were hanging out a record store. I picked up a copy of “Bob Dylan’s Greatest Hits” and asked him what he thought. I had only known Syd a short time at this point, but I already knew he had an encyclopedic knowledge of music. He thought I would like the CD. So I bought it. He was right. I did.

Soon after that, I bought “The Essential Bob Dylan.” I was hanging Christmas lights at Parents 2.0′s house when I first heard “Tangled Up in Blue.” I stopped what I was doing and replayed the song on my CD player. It became my favorite Dylan song. And it was the beginning of years worth of Dylan listening, CD collecting and conversations about the artist with Syd.

“Things Have Changed” is one of my favorite Dylan songs of the third act of his career. He won an Oscar for the song, which was featured in the film “The Wonder Boys.” For me, though, all Dylan songs remind me of my friend Syd. He taught me a lot about music. He taught me more about life, friendship and human decency.

We celebrate Dylan’s birthday today. I also celebrate my friendship with Syd. I enjoy this song. I hope you do, too.

Moments: On a Blu-ray player and future frustrations


Dad 2.0 worked as a printer for a bank. About 20 years ago, his office started using computers for the printing process. This was a big change for Dad 2.0. He worked most of his career in the darkroom.

The company was going to use Macs. I was editor of the student newspaper in college. I borrowed one of our computers for the summer. Dad 2.0 checked some books out from the library to learn the new system.

He didn’t like it. I tried to teach him, but the lessons worked poorly. I went too fast. I took for granted that everyone knew how to use a mouse.

Dad 2.0 was the kind of person who read the instructions first. He was, wisely I add, of the “measure twice, cut once” philosophy.

I grew up with computers and video games. I only went to the instruction book when I couldn’t figure out the buttons necessary to decapitate an enemy with a kung-fu move in “Mortal Combat.”

I teased Dad 2.0 for being old. But Mom 2.0 scolded me. She admonished that one day I wouldn’t want to learn every new thing, especially after I had done it one way for a long time.

I scoffed. I had always enjoyed gadgets. I found it impossible to imagine a time when I would want anything less than the newest, sleekest and best gear.

As usual, Mom 2.0 was right. Wisdom comes with age and experience. It’s tough to recognize that when you’re 20 years old.

My first clue that technology was passing me by came in the world of TV. I bought a nice, big TV back in 1998. It looked great. It sounded great. So what if it weighed as much as a Volkswagen Beetle?

I put it on a stand in the middle of the room and watched TV shows on the square tube screen. I used it more than any other appliance. I failed to see the need to replace it with one of these skinny, rectangular models that hang on the wall and are filled with plasma or LCD or LED.

When my Grandma Rogers died late last year, I inherited her small flat-screen TV. I could definitely see the improvement. The picture was pretty and rich. I hauled the big tube TV into the bedroom, where I watch videos of old cartoons from my childhood and pretend it’s a Saturday in 1981.

But the truth of Mom 2.0’s words sunk in last week. My DVD player, the one I had bought when I got the then-fancy new TV back in 1998, died. People don’t repair things anymore. The shop I went to said it would cost me $50 just for them to look at it. I could get a new one for less than that.

So I did. I bought a Blu-ray player. The technology community might mock me for needing a hard media player at all. Everything, they say, will be streaming soon. Still, I have a lot of movies on DVD. Without a DVD player, they’re simply taking up space on the wall that could be used for vintage Lynda Carter posters.

I brought the new player home along with a Blu-ray copy of my favorite movie, “The Big Lebowski.” I quickly learned that I needed a cable that wasn’t included in the box. So I went back to the store.

I got the device hooked up. The first thing the device wanted to do was connect to the Internet. I couldn’t fathom why this was necessary. But I entered my network passcode.

Then the Blu-ray player wanted more passwords. Some were for entertainment networks that I had never heard of. Others were for Netflix, to which I don’t subscribe.

Finally, the Blu-ray player wanted to connect with Facebook. This was it for me. I use Facebook for my job as a paragraph stacker. Somehow this network where people share pictures of the meal they are about to eat, the minor achievements of their children and complaints about movies has become essential to reporting and writing the news.

I once enjoyed Facebook. It put me back in touch with a lot of people with whom I’ve lost contact over the years. But after looking at their Facebook feeds for several years, I’ve learned there was a reason why I lost contact with them.

I couldn’t imagine a good reason for the device by which I watch movies to connect to Facebook. So I didn’t do it. But my frustration grew.

I began to want for the simple days of VCRs. Insert movie. Press play. Now, it seems, there is a desire to connect to the outside world even when you’re just trying to watch a movie at home alone.

I finally got the player setup. I put in my movie. I thought bliss was on the way. “The Big Lebowski” always mellows me out.

But no. There was more.

The Blu-ray wanted to educate me on all the special features it had. There was one that would count the swear words on screen. Another one would tell me what song was playing.

This all sounded neat, but they took up a third of the screen. And even then I couldn’t read the print from my chair across the room. It took me a full 5 minutes of button pushing just to get to the movie.

Finally, I pushed one of the green buttons. The TV and the Blu-ray turned off. That was enough of a sign for me.

I went into the bedroom and picked up a book. I don’t remember which book it was, but I know this much: No network or Facebook connection was required.

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