Great Paragraphs: On whether we know each other

Peter Joshua (Cary Grant): Do we know each other?

Reggie Lampert (Audrey Hepburn): Why, do you think we’re going to?

Peter Joshua: How would I know?

Reggie Lampert: Because I already know an awful lot of people, so until one of them dies I couldn’t possibly meet anyone else.

Peter Joshua: Well, if anyone goes on the critical list, let me know.

— “Charade” (1963)

Great Paragraphs: On eyebrows and Scots

It’s all right up until the eyebrows. Then it goes haywire. Look at the eyebrows! These are attack eyebrows. You could take bottle tops off with these. They’re cross! They’re crosser than the rest of my face. They’re independently cross! They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and set up their own state of eyebrows! … That’s Scot! I’m Scottish. I’ve gone Scottish. Oh, no, that’s good. Oh. It’s good I’m Scottish. I’m Scottish. I can complain about things. I can really complain about things now.

The Doctor (Peter Capaldi), “Deep Breath

Great Paragraphs: On using Michael Jordan to measure greatness

Every time I think you’ve hit a ceiling, you, you keep raising the bar. You’re like the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.

— Detective Martin Hart (Woody Harrelson)
“True Detective, “Season 1, Episode 6: “Haunted Houses”

Great Paragraphs: Jim Gaffigan on the joys of being single

There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day and I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’ll have to do that next week.”

Jim Gaffigan, “Dad is Fat

Great Paragraphs: Jim Gaffigan on why museums have so many paintings of fruit

We haven’t wanted fruit for hundreds of years. That’s why there are so many paintings in museums of just bowls of fruit. Because you could start painting a bowl of fruit, leave for couple of days, come back and no one would have touched the bowl of fruit. But if you’re painting a doughnut, you’d bet finish it on the first sitting.

Jim Gaffigan, “Obsessed

Great Paragraphs: On death and sandwiches

The great Warren Zevon was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2002. He appeared a final time on “The Late Show with David Letterman,” in which the host dedicated the entire hour to his guest and friend. The following exchange was broadcast Oct. 30, 2002.

DAVID LETTERMAN: From your perspective now, do you know something about life and death that maybe I don’t know?

WARREN ZEVON: Not unless I know how much … how much you’re supposed to enjoy every sandwich.