Great Paragraphs: How it feels to follow baby boomers in society

‘Dear Harry, I think you’re boring and obnoxious and have a high opinion of yourself.’ Course some of you are probably thinking I sent this one to myself. ‘I think school is okay if you just look at it right. I mean I like your music, but I really don’t see why you can’t be cheerful for one second.’ I’ll tell you since you asked. I just arrived in this stupid suburb. I have no friends, no money, no car, no license. And even if I did have a license all I can do is drive out to some stupid mall. Maybe if I’m lucky play some fucking video games, smoke a joint and get stupid. You see, there’s nothing to do anymore. Everything decent’s been done. All the great themes have been used up. Turned into theme parks. So I don’t really find it exactly cheerful to be living in the middle of a totally, like, exhausted decade where there’s nothing to look forward to and no one to look up to.

— Mark Hunter (Christian Slater), “Pump Up the Volume” (1990)

Great Paragraphs: On eyebrows and Scots

It’s all right up until the eyebrows. Then it goes haywire. Look at the eyebrows! These are attack eyebrows. You could take bottle tops off with these. They’re cross! They’re crosser than the rest of my face. They’re independently cross! They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and set up their own state of eyebrows! … That’s Scot! I’m Scottish. I’ve gone Scottish. Oh, no, that’s good. Oh. It’s good I’m Scottish. I’m Scottish. I can complain about things. I can really complain about things now.

The Doctor (Peter Capaldi), “Deep Breath

Great Paragraphs: Jim Gaffigan on the joys of being single

There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day and I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’ll have to do that next week.”

Jim Gaffigan, “Dad is Fat

Great Paragraphs: Jim Gaffigan on why museums have so many paintings of fruit

We haven’t wanted fruit for hundreds of years. That’s why there are so many paintings in museums of just bowls of fruit. Because you could start painting a bowl of fruit, leave for couple of days, come back and no one would have touched the bowl of fruit. But if you’re painting a doughnut, you’d bet finish it on the first sitting.

Jim Gaffigan, “Obsessed