Season 3, Episode 13: “The Seven Wonders” | Original air date: Jan. 29, 2014
“American Horror Story: Coven” concluded with a festival of silliness to cap a delightful season of absolutely gratuitous debauchery. The episode begins like a 1980s music video with Stevie Nicks singing a tune while the girls study up on raising the dead, levitating beds and setting things on fire with the power of their minds. Nicks’ appearance in the show is pointless, but then so is the series, so just go with it.
The surviving members of the coven undergo the seven wonders, a series of tests to see who the next supreme is. Misty (Lily Rabe) taps out first. She goes to hell. She doesn’t come back. She turns to dust. Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) impales herself on a spiked fence while playing teleportation tag. Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) fails to revive her and Madison (Emma Roberts) refuses to bring her back to life because she’s a bitch that way. She kills a fly and resurrects it to prove she’s got the power. It appears she’s the new coven leader.
Myrtle (Frances Conroy) convinces Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) to take the trials via a pep talk. Cordelia bests Madison in the game of reading pebbles. They called it divination. It looked like Yahtzee with rocks. Madison storms off to go back to Hollywood. Kyle (Evan Peters) strangles Madison to death because she refused to resurrect Zoe. The creepy butler, Spalding (Denis O’Hare), who is dead but surprisingly ambulatory, shows up to help Kyle bury the body. That guy is dedicated to his work.
Cordelia resurrects Zoe. Myrtle demands to be burned at the stake. Cordelia agrees. Why not? We haven’t had a good witch burning in weeks. Cordelia decides to make the coven public and opens the door to new witches.
Fiona (Jessica Lange), Cordelia’s mom, shows up. She died in the last episode. She got better. Fiona is ravaged by cancer. She asks her daughter to kill her. Cordelia gives her a hug. She dies. She wakes up in a country cabin with the Axeman (Danny Huston), who has caught two large catfish. The cabin is not as lavish as the coven’s New Orleans mansion. This is hell for her: a rustic country life. The end.