5-sentence review of ‘The Flash: Things You Can’t Outrun’


The Flash” | Season 1, Episode 3: “Things You Can’t Outrun” | Date: Oct. 21, 2014

  1. Gosh, I love watching “The Flash.”
  2. It feels like curling up in bed with a fresh stack of comic books and a bottle of pop after a trip in town to Montross Pharmacy with my dad on a Saturday afternoon.
  3. The show is rich with do-gooder earnestness and light on the dark, gritty gloom that permeates so much of pop culture and especially the superhero genre.
  4. “Things You Can’t Outrun” was a touch sappy with a few too many dead mom and dead fiance warm fuzzies and I’d like to see the Flash expand his powers — how about vibrating through walls or, in the case of the mist monster this week, a little swirling arm action.
  5. But every comic book has a few subplots to keep us interested in the next issue and “The Flash” series definitely leaves me hungry for more.

5-sentence review of ‘Mulaney: Halloween’


Mulaney” | Season 1, Episode 3: “Halloween” | Date: Oct. 19, 2014

  1. Fox halted production of “Mulaney,” reducing its order from 16 to 13.
  2. When I read that, I thought, “Can you imagine watching 13 episodes of this show?”
  3. I tried to watched three.
  4. I should emphasize “try.”
  5. I made it through John Mulaney’s standup about how Halloween is unsentimental and I thought, “Why the hell am I watching 13 seconds of this show?”

1-sentence review of ‘Family Guy: Baking Bad’


Family Guy” | Season 13, Episode 3: “Baking Bad” | Date: Oct. 19, 2014

  1. The title was “Baking Bad,” but there were no references to “Breaking Bad” and that was a shame.
  2. There was a joke about North Dakota, which was a joke I’ve actually heard.
  3. I mean what are the odds that someone is going to make a joke about North Dakota that you’ve already heard?
  4. Maybe there’s just the one joke about North Dakota.
  5. The joke, by the way, was: “North Dakota. We’re not even the best Dakota.”

5-sentence review of ‘The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XXV’


The Simpsons” | Season 26, Episode 4:Treehouse of Horror XXV
| Date: Oct. 19, 2014

  1. The appearance of the Simpsons characters as the originally appeared in animated shorts on “The Tracey Ullman Show” is proof that even “The Simpsons” is nostalgic for the pre-dull “The Simpsons.”
  2. The original Simpsons’ appearance is  a case of originality being a dead horse beaten into a mush even a starving dog wouldn’t eat.
  3. Hell, “Family Guy,” which is harangued for being a knock-off of “The Simpsons,” already did this same thing three years ago.
  4. In a 2011 episode titled “Back to the Pilot,” Brian and Stewie actually visited their former selves by time travelling back to the pilot.
  5. This also wasn’t funny, but funny is a lot to ask from network TV.

1-sentence review of ‘Sleepy Hollow: The Weeping Lady’


Sleepy Hollow” | Season 2, Episode 4: “The Weeping Lady” | Date: Oct. 20, 2014

  1. The Headless Horseman (Neil Jackson), who too frequently has a head these days, almost decapitated Crane (Tom Mison), but he missed and, frankly, if a head doesn’t roll here pretty soon, I’m outta here because I’m only in it for the decapitations.

5-sentence review of ‘Doctor Who: Flatline’


Doctor Who” | Series 8, Episode 9: “Flatline” | Date: Oct. 18, 2014

  1. The two-dimensional creatures that terrorize Bristol in “Flatline” were the most inventive monsters since the Weeping Angels and produced the scariest of the eighth series.
  2. We know the Doctor (Peter Capaldi) lies, but so does Clara (Clara Oswald) — and quite a lot, especially to her love Danny (Samuel Anderson), who specifically told her that was the one thing he would not tolerate.
  3. The twelfth incarnation of the Doctor finally has his hero moment — bursting forth from the newly restored TARDIS to banish the murderous two-dimensional monsters.
  4. It was a scene they gave the 11th Doctor in his first episode, but really made the audience wait for Capaldi in the role and, boy, it was worth it.
  5. Missy (Michelle Gomez), referred to in reports as “the Gatekeeper of the Nethersphere,” watches the Doctor and Clara argue after the adventure and makes a vague comment that leads me to wonder: Is Clara the true villain of Series 8?

5-sentence review of ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Face My Enemy’

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Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” | Season 2, Episode 4: “Face My Enemy” | Date: Oct. 14, 2014

  1. Agent May (Ming-Na Wen) in a silvery, slinky dress fought Agent May in her underwear.
  2. One of them wasn’t really Agent May, but a Hydra agent in disguise.
  3. But it was kind of awesome in a Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling kind of way.
  4. Brain-damaged Fitz (Iain De Caestecker) saved the airplane by stuttering and pointing awkwardly.
  5. Skye (Chloe Bennet), who is not brain-damaged, remained largely useless, though she was seen using a computer because she’s very good with Google.

1-sentence review of ‘Bad Judge: One Brave Waitress’


Bad Judge” | Season 1, Episode 3: “One Brave Waitress” | Date: Oct. 16, 2014

  1. I can’t decide which is worse: watching “Bad Judge” because I want to write mean things about how bad it is or the fact that “Bad Judge” is on television at all.

5-sentence review of ‘The Flash: Fastest Man Alive’


The Flash” | Season 1, Episode 2: “Fastest Man Alive” | Date: Oct. 14, 2014

  1. “The Flash” is the best show I’ve watched this year.
  2. The show is remarkably true to its superhero comics origins, but loses very little in translation.
  3. It does not force itself to be dark and gritty, yet avoids being campy and silly.
  4. I like that it gives homages to the underrated 1990 series of the same name.
  5. But the fun, oh, the starry-eyed belief that one man can make a difference and be extraordinary, well, there just isn’t enough of that earnestness in fiction or reality.