“Paragraph Man” DANIEL P. FINNEY, newsmanone,

General Tso’s Revenge co-founder

A misanthrope, iconoclast and general grouch since the late 1980s, Daniel P. Finney has been a professional paragraph stacker since 1993. He reports. He writes. He blogs. He tweets. He beats deadlines. He amuses (himself, at least.) He informs. He adapts. He keeps moving forward. He eschews gatherings. The highlights of his week are Sunday chicken wings, new comics Wednesday and naps during televised sporting events. He does not wonder if there is a player to be named later in his life and spends most of his waking hours desperately trying to be left alone.

Follow him on Twitter: @newsmanone

“MEMPHIS” PAUL RUSSELL, Sultan of Spreadsheets,

General Tso’s Revenge co-founder

I said that I would write an autobiographical sketch because I had heard that you were a serious man, to be treated with respect. But I must say no to you and let me give you my reasons. It’s true I have a lot of shows I enjoy watching on television, but I wouldn’t enjoy watching them for very long if I reviewed “Two Broke Girls” instead of HBO, which I consider a high-quality vice. But “Two Broke Girls” is a dirty business. It makes no difference to me what a man watches on TV, you understand. But reviewing TV shows and movies is a little dangerous. I’m a superstitious man. And if some unlucky accident should befall HBO, if “Game of Thrones” executive producer George R.R. Martin should be beheaded at Comic-Con, or “The Wire” creator David Simon should produce a sitcom with Chuck Lorre, or if “Deadwood” creator David Milch should become co-producer on “Once Upon A Time” then I’m going to blame some of the people reading this blog … and that, I do not forgive. But, that aside, let say that I swear, on the souls of the cast and crew of “The Sopranos,” that I will not be the one to break the peace we have made here today.

Follow him on Twitter: @PaperWadofGod

15 thoughts on “Staff

  1. you are a sad pathetic fat man. you are stupid. you can’t write. You sound like you have the I.Q level of a two year old african baby trying to speak Russian. stop this blog. it is terrible and awfully annoying that people like you exist. fat fuck

  2. I thought the two of you fat fucks were the same person, now I realize that it’s much worse than I could ever imagine. There are TWO equally retarded and annoying fat fucks and somebody needs to shoot them in the head, maybe 30 bullets per head, because I can see the fat layers that are covering your skulls…You stupid annoying evil wrong fat fucks. Have a nice day and go fuck yourself and your hands

  3. Dear sir or madam,

    Due to overwhelming response, Paragraph Dan and Memphis Paul and not able to respond to all fan mail directly. However, if you send a self-addressed stamped envelope in care of General Tso’s Revenge at 2321 University Ave., No. 9, Des Moines, IA 50311, we will send you an autographed picture. We are sorry, but personal notes are not available at this time.

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