5 sentence review of Game of Thrones

Season 2, Episode 1: “The North Remembers”

5.  In the wake of last season’s deaths of King Robert and Ned Stark and with a newly appearing blood red comet tracing across the sky, the season two pilot largely involves a lot of Westeros power brokers looking at the sky and declaring “I am going to take this as a sign I should be sitting the Iron Throne.”

4. New player Stannis Baratheon (assisted by powerful but unpopular foreign priestess Melisandre) declares Cersei’s brood to be incest babies and claims the throne (while fairly addressing Jamie as Ser, befitting a knight) and more popular younger brother Renly Baratheon draws a massive army to him in his own power grab despite a lesser claim.

3. More fitting for this episode than “The North Remembers” might be “The North is just as Creepy as the South”, as Jon Snow and the others in the Night’s Watch expedition run into Craster, a wilding who lives beyond the wall, who trades information for an axe and good Southron wine and also happens to take his own daughters as wives while his sons mysteriously are not to be found.

2. Robb Stark has been busy with a host of interesting moves: Theon Greyjoy is sent to seek an alliance with the naval power of the once rebellious Iron Isles, mom Catelyn is sent to ally with the powerful Stormland armies of Renly Baratheon, a treaty is sent to King’s Landing to declare a peace in exchange for Sansa, Arya and independence for the North…and he also threatens Jaime Lannister with his massive Dire Wolf.

1. In King’s Landing, Tyrion Lannister tries to bring Cersei and new king (but still super scummy) Joffrey “Baratheon” under some kind of control but Cersie and Joffrey still manage to terrify Sansa, find and kill various of King Robert’s bastards (which does not make them look like they have anything at all to hide) and try to track down missing Arya, who we seeing traveling up the Kingsroad with another of King Robert’s whelps, apprentice blacksmith Gendry.

I think that red comet actually has something to do with the gorgeous Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) and her new dragons.

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